Aaand JUMP!

I had the most amazing trip to Flordia, there is something about family that heals . Maybe it's the unconditional love they have for you or the confidence I get from being around them. Whatever it may be, I'm thankful for it. Without them I wouldn't have experienced the most beautiful place in the world.. (that I've seen so far) 6 and some change hours in a car and we arrived in the Keys. The water is so blue and clear you can completely see through it. When I say breathtakingly gorgeous, I mean it.
I wasn't going to go on this trip. For years I've struggled with my body image, weight and self love. I hated looking in the mirror and bathing suits were torture, until last week. I found something cute and modest that I finally felt pretty in. I've never experienced looking in the mirror in a bathing suit and actually liking what I see. It's rather exhilarating. My body is full of scars and stretch marks and imperfections. I've overcame tragedy and loss with this body. It grew and birthed my daughter.  My tummy was a bed for my sleepy girl and has been there as a shoulder to cry on or a warming hug for family and friends. It held us both up during her seizures and let her go when she passed. It's been with me through it all. Grief and stress cause your body to change. Some grow, some shrink.. but it's still our own vessel that stands up and carries us. In this journey of loss I forgot what it's like to feel strong in my own body. When you hate yourself it's hard to be strong. I'm working on that strength again. This body has done amazing things and it will continue to do so in my life. During my days in the Keys I slashed many fears. I went snorkeling,  kayaking, and even jumped off a huge bridge into the ocean. I saw jellyfish, lobsters, crab, a huge stingray and all types of fish. It was wonderful. I realized then how much has changed. How much I have changed. I have been trying to "get back to how I used to be" I don't want that anymore. I'm different, better, stronger, wiser than I was. I don't want to go back to how I was before Adalynne I want to rebuild myself into a better version of that strong girl i used to be. I want to be a strong woman.
     I am a strong woman.
I spent time starring at the world in all its beauty and cried missing my baby... to never see her grow up and experience this is soul shattering. I must experience this for her. We are together, forever. I used to tell her "It's just me and you babe, forever"  Noone will have the bond I have with her. She was far stronger than I was but now, together, we are unstoppable. I cry less now, I feel that strength again. It took a backburner to my saddness but that's changing.
She can see it all now, pain free and happy. She is probably really proud of me for overcoming my fears and stepping  out of my comfort zone. I hope so at least.

We leave for Washington DC tomorrow for a short trip. Looking forward to going back and learning more. After this, my next trip hasn't been decided so any ideas I'm welcome to.
Hope you all have a superb day. All my love in the world

P.s. take some time today to stop and love yourself. Every person goes through their own hardships and grief. We all deserve a little love and the best is our own.