Hello readers,
It's been a while since I've wrote on here. I was at a standstill point with my grieving. The blow from the organ donation hit me hard. I lost the only purpose I ever had from loosing my sweet baby girl. I needed to regrieve loosing her....
again...
Naturally I did what I always do. Focused on my family and finally myself. Recently, I've lost several people in my life I thought I couldn't be without. I'm doing just fine, and, even better now honestly. I have clarified to myself that I am the holder of my happiness. Luckily, I have a superb family as well for the times I need a pick me up.
Have I said how much I love Flordia? I'm not sure if it's the sunshine or that two of my favorite aunts were in the same continent together, finally! There are few things that makes me as happy like being with my cousins and aunts do. And, I even got a LITTLE tan. I'm about .05% of a slight darker pale then I was. But hey, I'll take it.
I have also found a hobby I have obsorbed myself.. (and my family hehe) into. My greenhouse!!! I love growing plants, it gives me such joy and satisfaction watching them grow. I have lots of different vegetables growing currently. Along with a few flowers and aloe. They all seem to be doing amazing. During Adalynne's Celebration of Life service I had a lilac bush in her honor. Once I got it home it did extremely well and then suddenly started to die. I tried several different things with no luck so, I thought I had lost the plant completely. But then, the day I got the news Adalynne's heart valves weren't accepted I walked outside and cried on the porch. Once I stopped I looked over and, saw her plant had grew all new leaves. Tiny, vibrant green leaves encapsulated the once bare branches. The most beautiful sight and I knew she was telling me in her own way things would be okay. It just took me awhile to accept it.
Yesterday, was a huge day for me. I finally, after almost 6 and a half months took my Warrior's last box of clothes and things out of my room. It took me awhile and I even layed over it crying uncontrollably. I clung to it like it would bring her back. I dont know why, maybe i thought if i just kept them in here she wont ever have to "go". But, shes gone and it sucks. It doesn't ever get easier, I just have learned to let those emotions happen and then, breath and go on. Regardless of what is going on around me I still feel the pain in my heart each day. Saying I miss her is an understatement now. I see her each day in the sky and feel her once more on my chest. I think she would be proud of me as of recent. Things are finally starting to look up, and I'm looking forward to seeing the veiw from the top for once. We are warriors are we must go on.
Thanks for keeping up with me. And, as always, stay beautiful sweet souls.
