It doesn't matter how good my day is going or how happy I feel. Grief hits when it chooses too. It will unexpectedly grab at your throat, choking the tears out of your body. Anything can set it off.. a picture, a memory, a simple hat or baby shoes. It doesn't care if you have actually done your makeup or are out to dinner, or shopping. The sinking feeling of your heart dropping into your stomach pulls all your willpower to stop it out of you. Leaving us to feel empty...alone.... and broken.
I know she is "better now" but my heart isnt. The rips in my heart still bleed for her touch and kisses. One more moment to look into her beautiful eyes and hear her sigh at me, would I feel better after that? Probably not. I would have to loose her again. I couldn't say goodbye another time. Atleast now I can see her in the sky or feel her in the small moments. Walking through a store to find exactly her initials layed out for display, the moment the grief tries to creep in my mind.
Sometimes she fights the grief with me. If feels like we battle the grief together. Her sword is a rainbow on a cloudy day or a shield of purple and red streaks throughout the skyline before the darkness takes over. One last shot at letting me know she's still fighting for us. We promised to give each other All of us, together we can get through this.
The tears still sting my cheeks as I look to the sky to find her. The cold wind whips my hair around like, my soul searching in all directions for something to grasp. Grief won't win today. Love will. I love my daughter with every atom of this vessel carrying my soul. I must let love fill my heart again. If my heart is going to be torn for the rest of my time on this earth, at least those rips will be filled with love and happiness.
Silver lining- crying makes my eyes really pretty.
I know she is "better now" but my heart isnt. The rips in my heart still bleed for her touch and kisses. One more moment to look into her beautiful eyes and hear her sigh at me, would I feel better after that? Probably not. I would have to loose her again. I couldn't say goodbye another time. Atleast now I can see her in the sky or feel her in the small moments. Walking through a store to find exactly her initials layed out for display, the moment the grief tries to creep in my mind.
Sometimes she fights the grief with me. If feels like we battle the grief together. Her sword is a rainbow on a cloudy day or a shield of purple and red streaks throughout the skyline before the darkness takes over. One last shot at letting me know she's still fighting for us. We promised to give each other All of us, together we can get through this.
The tears still sting my cheeks as I look to the sky to find her. The cold wind whips my hair around like, my soul searching in all directions for something to grasp. Grief won't win today. Love will. I love my daughter with every atom of this vessel carrying my soul. I must let love fill my heart again. If my heart is going to be torn for the rest of my time on this earth, at least those rips will be filled with love and happiness.
Silver lining- crying makes my eyes really pretty.
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| I. Miss. You |
