Thursday, May 28, 2015

To my dearest,

Its 6 in the morning and I'm sitting on the back porch  sobbing. This has been going on for 30 minutes  now and my eyes are tired. I'm tired. Why cant I ever sleep anymore? One month. One whole month without you. At this time a month ago you were just waking up from snuggles with gammie. She really misses you babe. I really miss you. Honestly, a lot of people miss you. I wish I could just live our last day together over and over again. You talked to me all day and never let me get it on video smh stubborn.. I just hear you in my head now. I want to see your face again. Im so thankful for our pictures. Somedays they are the only thing to keep me going. You know that, right?  I still feel you "here" and people tell me that you will always be with me like that fixes anything. It's not the same as holding my perfectly imperfect girl ay? The way you smelled after a bath and coconut oil massage melted my heart, I'll forever miss that. Adalynne, I just wanted to tell you I love you and this past month has been both relaxing and then absolute shit. Saying I miss you doesnt even feel like it even comes close to how I feel but, you know what I mean. Im so happy we had 9 months and 18 days together physically.  Ill never be the same without you.  I'm still trying to heal and rebuild my life. I love you forever and always. Hope to see you in the sky later. Fly peacefully my sweet, warrior.

Mommy


P.s. snuggling your little urn in this bear makes things only slightly better. Miss you always. 

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