Hello sweet souls,
Today is Worldwide Candle Lighting day for all the children across the world who have left our arms too soon. I found out about it just a few days ago and was relieved the Kate B Reynolds Hospice House was holding a candle ceremony.
Last time I was here I ran in, dropped brownies off and left as quickly as I could. Before then... was the day I said goodbye to my warriors broken vessel and let her soul go free. I stood and watched the first sunset my baby girl could see. I remember it so clearly. Bright hues of pink, blue and purple beamed across the skyline. Filling my heart with hope I'd get through this. Reminding myself that she was now painfree and whole. I feel that feeling each time I look up in the sky. My heart still hurts though.
I thought I would handle tonight so well. I'd light a candle, celebrate her light shining, it would be all good. Then, it came time for me to say her name out loud. I was among all these other families feeling a similar stinging ache in their souls but, saying her name.... I almost didn't get it out. I choked back big ugly sobs to speak the words.
Adalynne Marcella Scherer
Saying it out loud made it feel too real. A type of pain that I can't describe in words. Only the ones of us already known to this feeling understand.
This was my first one of these types of things. I was extremely happy to have some of my support their with me. They spoke her name and shined her light with me. We cried together and then laughed at Ian who was ready for the doughnuts they served afterwards. He always keeps us laughing when we need it.
Even though tonight was hard for me I know it will get easier each time. Next time I'll be able to say her name with a little more ease. This hopefully will be the hardest one I go to. Maybe next time I'll be ready to speak to the other parents instead of holding my bear and breathing back tears. Maybe not, I'm not sure yet. For now, I'll get through each day the best I can. I'll strive to shine the light of my warrior baby each day.
Have a good night sweet souls. Hug your babies tight for me and all the parents who can't tonight.
Much love,
Heather.
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