Hello my beautiful readers,
Today I realized a few things, first of which I haven’t posted on here in over a month.  Sorry, I’ve been super busy getting everything ready, between having my baby shower to finishing the work at the house any free time I have is spent laying in bed watching Castle on dvd.  Another thing I realized is the anniversary of my car accident was the 29th of June and it like these past few weeks flew by me.  I realized as I was getting ready for my ob apt today that the 4th was tomorrow and I had a flashback to sitting in a wheelchair with my mom standing next to me watching the fireworks in the intensive care hallway of Brenner’s hospital just four years ago.  I looked in the mirror and it hit me.  Damn woman you are pretty strong.  There I was four years ago with a broken elbow, 6 broken teeth, a severe concussion, my right arm shredded to the bone and my jaw broken in two places but I knew then, everything was going to be just fine.  I was going to be okay not just okay but I was determined to come out stronger.  And I did, I just didn't know it. After suffering from I would say a bit of PTSD I just didn't know if I was that strong woman I hoped to be.  But here I am, four years later and I know I am.  I probably have never been more sure of myself till this morning.  I am facing every single parent’s worst nightmare, the unthinkable, unimaginable disaster of losing your precious child.  And even though I have days were I sit on my old friends back porch and cry hysterically at how scared I am, I am okay. I will survive this, we will survive, always do.  I have learned its okay to break down and not be strong every second of the day.  Those moments are human, I am a human. A 22 year old scared human trying to figure out how to make this “big bowl of shit” into some type of positivity.  I know that I will not have my beautiful little warrior for long but if that small time her life is comfortable and absolutely full of love then what an amazing life she will have.  Life is short, some even shorter than others but how you spend your life is what matters.  And after she has left my arms we have decided to send what we can to other babies who need things to ensure they might have a better chance at life.  We get this amazing opportunity to love and give love and that makes my heart and I feel her heart so incredibly happy.  I learned today with my July 5th due date suddenly approaching if I do not go into labor by Tuesday I will go in to start the induction process.  So in 5 to 6 short days my beautiful little warrior will be in my arms. I get to see her face finally, every ultrasound I’ve had she has had her face covered by a hand or foot and I’ve had A LOT of ultrasounds.  Always proving she is in charge and stubborn…….hmmm I wonder where she might get that from… hehe.  Now its time to lay down and relax for a bit during this storm. Hope you all have a safe wonderful 4th of July as we celebrate ‘MERICA love to you all beautiful people

Some photos from the shower, I will post some more tomorrow after I do a fun little shoot : )