Hello all you beautiful souls. Today our warrior turned 9months old! We had a beautiful photoshoot with our amazing friend Deborah. We love you so, so much. Also spent about the entire day in an episode. Our days are now consisting our sleeping or long exhausting breathing episodes. Adalynne doesn't eat much at all anymore and has lost 2 pounds already...yes the ones I cried over gaining... Her little vessel is failing and her breathing machine goes off more and more often. That scary moment happened when the loud alarm went off. I have been waiting for this... Thinking of how much I would panic. But I didn't. I walked in and stroked her cheek right as she took a breath. We are ready. Call me crazy but we've talked about this. She's almost ready to go. I'm grasping this is happening quickly. I think my anxiety is less about loosing her and more about not being prepared. Or maybe its both... Who knows. My close friends have begun our goodbye visits and family is coming up... I meet with the funeral home on Sunday.... Hopefully we make it. I'm sitting her looking at her peacefully sleep and this beautiful room I have created for us and I feel.... Sadness currently. It changes throughout our days. But, I must focus on the positive for us. This beautiful journey of Miss Adalynne Marcella. She has touched so many people and changed so many lives. I'm very proud of my warrior. Someone asked me the other day if I ever wished I could change things. My answer is no. Nothing would be how is it if things hadn't happened the way they did. We have been able to give love and inspire so many. And after, we get to help other babies live beautiful lives. She daughter has had a life full of love and care. Exactly what I had hoped and strived for. But damn... I'm going to miss her beautiful face so much. Not sure how much longer she can fight and I'm not sure how much longer I can watch her suffer. My heart will always find peace knowing she will no longer be in pain and dancing with her great grandmother.
Anyone who would like to visit please let me know and I will see what we can workout. Please continue to send strength and love our way.
As always, much love to all of you loving souls.
I know that I do not know you, but you may honestly be the strongest woman I have ever come across. Your daughter is the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. I sat here and read every blog post and broke down in tears at about everyone. God definitely chose you as that sweet girls mom for more reasons than one. You and your family are definitely in my prayers! Again, you are amazing! Do not forget it!
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