This post was inspired by my memories on my facebook page, the photo is at the bottom.
EEEKKKKK. THIS was the ONLY time I ever saw her smile!!!! And I freaking caught it on camera!!!! #MOMWIN
**back story time**
We had a rough night beforehand and, an even rougher day. I believe it was a Tuesday, that's when our hospice nurse Lisa came. This beautiful photo below was after a three-hour episode. Three hours of her struggling to breathe and probably one long seizure or maybe several, we will never know. Thankfully our hospice nurse came in the afternoon while the episode was still going on...
After I had told her what had been happening she gave me a look I had been waiting for. You see, we had been prepared for the moment I would need to use her seizure medicine Versed; it can be dangerous and we didn't know how it would affect her, I was scared it would make her stop breathing for good. I had been trained how to use it, holding it upside down quickly pushing it to spray the medicine into her nose. We had gone over when to use it but, I was wary of the side effects so we had it for emergency only. That day, was the emergency.
After Lisa and I talked we decided it was time to try the Versed. She shot the medicine up her nose and Adalynne did not like it one bit. 10 minutes of my heart racing waiting for my baby to die right then she started to calm.. she settled and then, her little cheek would twitch up into a smile. I never saw her smile. Never saw much happiness or emotions (except when I took her out of the bath or stopped playing rap music in the car) this one moment.. for a beautiful second I was able to see her smile after watching her suffer tremendously for several hours... I'll never forget how my heart danced watching her. It was our silver lining to a dangerous and scary day. She always let me know she was okay. She still does to this day.
**back story time**
We had a rough night beforehand and, an even rougher day. I believe it was a Tuesday, that's when our hospice nurse Lisa came. This beautiful photo below was after a three-hour episode. Three hours of her struggling to breathe and probably one long seizure or maybe several, we will never know. Thankfully our hospice nurse came in the afternoon while the episode was still going on...
After I had told her what had been happening she gave me a look I had been waiting for. You see, we had been prepared for the moment I would need to use her seizure medicine Versed; it can be dangerous and we didn't know how it would affect her, I was scared it would make her stop breathing for good. I had been trained how to use it, holding it upside down quickly pushing it to spray the medicine into her nose. We had gone over when to use it but, I was wary of the side effects so we had it for emergency only. That day, was the emergency.
After Lisa and I talked we decided it was time to try the Versed. She shot the medicine up her nose and Adalynne did not like it one bit. 10 minutes of my heart racing waiting for my baby to die right then she started to calm.. she settled and then, her little cheek would twitch up into a smile. I never saw her smile. Never saw much happiness or emotions (except when I took her out of the bath or stopped playing rap music in the car) this one moment.. for a beautiful second I was able to see her smile after watching her suffer tremendously for several hours... I'll never forget how my heart danced watching her. It was our silver lining to a dangerous and scary day. She always let me know she was okay. She still does to this day.
To my sweet girl, I'll see you in the sunset tonight. I'll kiss you in my dreams. I'll love you with every breath this vessel gives to me. I'll never stop smiling for you.
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