Intensive labor

Hello readers,
    I've been thinking about what I should write all day today. It's been two years since I went into labor and my life changed. Well, it definitely changed wayy before she arrived. I had to move back home, change up my parents house to accommodate a special needs child. We thought we'd have a baby in a wheelchair so I moved rooms downstairs. Obviously, she won't ever need a wheelchair, and I'm thankful for that. The real game changer was her arrival earthside.
    The doctors decided to induce me 5 days past my due date. I wasn't ready, she wasn't ready but, there I was waiting in Forsyth hospital for a room to start my induction. I think it was a Wednesday I went in, and they were freaking packed.  I was so anxious just waiting and waiting.
   Then, finally we got started. I was put in one room first but, once they realized who I was I was switched to another room. It was waayyy bigger and, apparently in my own area right near the nurses. You see, I met with the head of the NICU while I was pregnant. I met with whoever I needed to, to ensure they were on the same page of my rules and I knew what to expect. So, when I arrived everyone knew, the very sick baby was about to be born... in a few days haha.
    I got the lovely drug pitocin which, is not lovely what so ever. Then, they decided I was moving along too slow so, I got a balloon inserted in my damn cervix, hooray! That will haunt me forever and ever.  Obviously labor was painful and about every moment sucked. The doctors and nurses kept asking me for an epidural and I kept saying no. I remember getting very close to my breaking point. My best friend had to leave to catch a flight and after, I got to the point I couldn't do it anymore and was asking for an epidural  she walked back in. Never in my life have I ever been so happy and relived to see her in my life. That moment changed her for me. She went from best friend and basically sister to my hero. I needed her with me. We are the best dang team. I busted into tears of relief, mixed with pain. She makes me a stronger women, and I held out for a few more hours.
    Her and my mom, along with all the doctors and nurses kept pushing the epidural, I was so overwhelmed with emotions and exhausted after 24 hours of high doses of pitocin with contractions through the roof, I gave in. I got that stupid needle in my darn spin and was fearful to move afterward because I didn't want to mess it up. All the nurses were like noo, you can adjust yourself, you'll be okay. They were wrong, the dang thing slipped out and I had to have a new one put in. Lemme tell you how happy I was about that....
    I'll also tell you, I cried throughout the whole thing. I cried when they told me I dilated more, when they broke my water, through both epidural's and I lost it when they said it was time to push. I wasn't ready. I knew as soon as she left my body I'd begin the process of loosing her. I didn't want her go. I was so sad and heartbroken. I couldn't get over how much I wanted her left, safe inside my tummy. Inside my womb, she could dance. When I played music to her which, I did everyday she would dance all over my belly, kicking and flipping around freely. Once she was forced to come out everything would be too real. I remember saying "I'm not ready to loose her" over and over again. I still wasn't ready 9 months and 18 days later.....

I'll finish the birth side tomorrow on her official day of birth.

Much love beautiful souls.